My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize