She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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