every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
