bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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