Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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