Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
