I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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