My cat gives me a boner
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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