well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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