Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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