I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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