If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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