I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
