i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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