And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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