I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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