in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
