I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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