hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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