apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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