I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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