So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
