do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize