Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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