NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
