just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"