The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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