My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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