Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.