Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
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I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.