theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.