I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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