I skipped work to stalk him.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
