You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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