we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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