I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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