i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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