Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
