i just wanna soil my oats bro
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Say something about gay babies.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize