Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Drake has all the answers
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
