By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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