pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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