it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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