it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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