1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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