Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
