exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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