Pappa wants mamma naked
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
