your thong is hanging out like whoa
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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