Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
