I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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