You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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