so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.