I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?