I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..