found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.