We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.