The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got inside last night via doggy door
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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